Giving the Middle Finger to Expectations: Choosing Authenticity in Midlife

Everywhere we turn, the media and society tell us who we should be, how we should look, and what it means to be “enough.” From the time we’re little girls, we’re fed images of perfection—smooth skin, glossy hair, a body that never seems to age. By the time we hit midlife, those messages are louder than ever.

Walk down the beauty aisle or scroll through Instagram or TikTok and it’s clear: the pressure is real. Hair dye to cover every gray strand. Eyelash extensions to give the illusion of glamour. Chemical peels, lip fillers, Botox, lifts, tucks, implants—all in the name of holding on to an image of “acceptable” beauty.

And here’s the kicker: if you don’t buy into it, people might raise an eyebrow. Show up with gray hair in a sea of brunettes and blondes and suddenly you’re “letting yourself go.” Skip the injections, and you’re “brave” for embracing your wrinkles. Either way, there’s judgment.

There is way too much pressure on women to hold on to their youthful appearance, where men are encouraged to age naturally. 

Why Authenticity Matters

At some point, you have to decide: am I living for their approval or my own truth? Authenticity isn’t about rejecting makeup, hair dye, or even surgery altogether. It’s about choice. It’s about asking yourself, “Am I doing this because it feels good to me, or because I feel pressured to keep up?”

Authenticity gives us freedom. It lets us step out of the hamster wheel of comparison and into a space where our worth isn’t tied to our appearance. Research backs this up — studies in positive psychology show that authenticity is linked to higher well-being, stronger relationships, and greater life satisfaction. In other words, being true to yourself makes you healthier and happier.

Giving the Middle Finger (In the Classiest Way Possible)

So how do we push back against these expectations without becoming an outcast at work or in our social circles? Here are a few ideas:

• Own Your Look. If you dye your hair because you love it, great. If you rock your natural gray, own that too. Confidence is what people really notice.

• Set Boundaries with “Should.” Anytime you hear yourself saying, “I should get Botox” or “I should cover my grays,” pause. Who’s writing that rulebook?

• Curate Your Media Diet. Unfollow accounts that make you feel “less than.” Fill your feed with authentic voices, diverse beauty, and people who inspire you to be real.

• Bring Your Authentic Self to Work. You don’t have to show up in sweatpants to prove authenticity. It’s about aligning your values with your actions. Speak your truth in meetings. Advocate for balance. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.

• Find Your People. Seek out communities—online or in person—where authenticity is celebrated, not shamed. Surrounding yourself with support makes it easier to stand strong.

The Bottom Line

Midlife is a powerful season. It’s a time when you can finally say, “I’m done performing for everyone else.” Giving the middle finger to societal expectations doesn’t mean alienating yourself. It means redefining what beauty, success, and happiness look like on your terms—and showing others that there’s another way.

Because here’s the truth: nothing is more magnetic than a woman who is unapologetically herself.